the best part about being the little spoon while cuddling is being able to rub your butt against the person’s junk
The best part about being the big spoon while cuddling is getting to rub your junk against the person’s butt
The best part about the big spoon is that it lets me get bigger portions of ice cream as I cry alone in my room.
Three types of people
I have two moods
One is highly sophisticated intellectual who goes into complex thoughts and is always moody and deep
the other is an immature 5 year old that doesn’t know how to control herself or her language or her actions
there is no inbetween
Shit about to go down in my speech textbook.nigga hit dat rice lovin bitch
“I’ll kick your wonton all the way back to China Pe-Ling”
“Bring it On, Laquanda!”
Don’t make me go Jackie Chan on you Carter!
but actually what if you were on a plane and an actor sat beside you for like a five hour flight like what does one do in that situation
*presses clear button on calculator 12 times*
behold a collection of the ugliest shoes ever
what the hell did i log onto
So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized
Dr. Robert Evans
I looked it up
My dentist is Captain America’s dad
My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.
JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.
and it, erm, pushes stuff up in a way that makes me look like a 19th century prostitute